Imposter Syndrome Chronicles: My Fight with Self-Doubt and the Coping Mechanisms That Keep Me Going

Intro

So, the other day, I stumbled on a friend’s Whatsapp status, and he was talking about imposter syndrome. That got me thinking, and I wrote a piece on it and posted it on my WhatsApp status. A few friends saw it and suggested that it’d be cool if I turned it into a full-fledged article. And that, my friends, is how we got here. So shall we?

Imposter Syndrome?

That feeling when you’re convinced you’re not good enough, even though you’ve got the skills to prove otherwise. Programmers deal with this sensation all the time. It’s so common that there are even memes about it.

This is how it feels like. You can swap smart with whatever you want. Competent? Making progress? etc. You get the message. It’s a shitty experience. And the worst part is? It can stick around for weeks, or even months. I mean, I struggled with it for 2 months last year. Thankfully, my squad (Nai and Peter, the council) stepped in and pulled me out.

What causes it?

Well, for programmers, it's mostly because there's this infinite pool of information out there that keeps changing at breakneck speed. Plus, seeing all the achievements of coding gurus and our fellow mates doesn't help much. All this makes us question our capabilities and leaves us feeling like total frauds.

A while ago, I came across this meme that got me thinking. You see, imposter syndrome assumes you are competent, but you just feel like you’re not, right? But what if you’re genuinely not up to the task at hand like you’re way over your head, at that point you’re basically asking to feel useless.

Imagine a newbie programmer who just finished the web starter pack(HTML, CSS, and JS) and decides that their next task is to create Amazon 2.0. That’s cool, heck they might even accomplish it, but there’ll be plenty of rough patches and lots of downtimes. Without a good support system, those downtimes can single-handedly force them into depression.

Sadly, I can relate. I’m not a fan of going from 0 to 10 to 20. I would rather 0 to 100. It’s doable — I’ve done it before — but it’s not exactly the smartest move.

Now how do we solve this?

Honestly, I’m not sure. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution. Each person has their own way of coping. Let me share mine with you.

When imposter syndrome strikes and I want to shake it off, I do things that might seem a bit irrational. Like, if I’ve got a deadline in 14 hours and I’m caught in the middle of imposter syndrome, I won’t work on the task. Instead, I’ll hit the court and play basketball for hours until I’m completely exhausted.

For me, basketball is freeing — it clears my head and helps me forget everything else. Once I’m done playing, I get this calm, quiet confidence wash over me. Even though time’s running out, I’m recharged and ready to tackle that task. It’s like the rising of the sun. (Fun fact: The Ancient Egyptians believed that the rising of the sun signified a new beginning.)

If basketball isn’t an option, I’ll binge-watch a TV series or bury myself in a book. I’ll pick something motivational, like Suits or Brandon Mull’s Beyonders, and lose myself in it. Eventually, I’ll start to feel like I’m just wasting time, which motivates me to pick myself up and get back to work. This is my coping mechanism for imposter syndrome.

NB: I keep using the term “coping mechanism” and not “solution”. It’s deliberate.

I don’t have a solution, just a process that helps me deal with it. I don’t believe there’s a real solution, ’cause that would imply we’ve conquered it for good, and that’s just not possible. All we can do is learn to cope.

Thanks for making it to my Ted Talk. Catch you later, off to play basketball.